Music for everyone!

Hiking in the Himalayas in 1998

Next week my husband Rob’s two best friends, John and James, will come to our cottage north of Kingston, ON for the week. I’ve known them for twenty-five years, ever since I met my husband when he was backpacking with them in Dharmsala, India. The three of them travelled with a guitar and played Beatles songs and other hits from the 70’s, as well as songs they wrote themselves. Meals in simple cafés frequently turned into concerts with Tibetan waiters warbling along to Stones’ tunes. It was a heady way to travel, and those songs formed the backdrop to my falling in love with Rob.

In the years since our India trip James and John have come up to our cottage to play those old songs and write some new ones. James, a retired teacher with a romantic bent favors James Taylor and Sandy Denny tunes. John is more of the Johnny Cash/Fred Eaglesmith enthusiast and has been known to write songs poking fun at my husband’s attempt to find me in India, his obsession with Indian motorcycles and other country-influenced songs. 

John and Rob write the latest cottage hit. 

 During our week together the guys will write new songs, plan a potential trip to Nashville and fantasize about touring. Also, old songs the guys wrote themselves during our trip to India will be sung. I crafted the lyrics to a few of these songs. I can still distinctly remember the heady excitement of coming up with lyrics that expressed how I was feeling about being in love with someone not Jewish – and then having James turn them into music. The lyrics to the song I wrote, The Ocean, feel a little too on the nose to me now, but they expressed exactly how I felt in 1998. 

Love always seems a sacrifice to me 

caught between you and my family 

words that cross my lips sound insane 

Sometimes culture is hard to explain 

A few months later, when Rob and I temporarily went our own ways and wondered if we could sustain a relationship that faced the challenges of not only cultural differences but a significant age gap, Rob sent me a mixed tape that included The Ocean, but also a new song, Time Has It’s Way, that James had composed from letters Rob had written to me. 

Time has its way with me 

But it hasn't diminished my longing for you 

I have played the strong lead 

Supporting you as best as I can 

As I travel around this lonely land 

And take on a role I just don't understand 

And wonder in my soul about the whole circumstance 

I find I'm still caring for you. 

John, Rob and James on the dock, with Dassa

These songs not only let me express the complicated feelings of my youth, but also provided the experience of being part of a musical collaboration. I could barely sing, and I couldn’t play an instrument, but I could be a lyricist.

I have closer friends than James and John, but with no one else do I have this musical connection that results in my words becoming music. 

 James, John and Rob have written a lot of songs over the years. A few of them are excellent, some of them, like a song entitled Garbage Truck, are just for fun. A few years ago the four of us wrote a song called Saturday Night. It wasn’t a particularly deep or meaningful song. We wrote throw-away lyrics like, We’ll go dancing Saturday night/and if we do it’ll be all right. The slightly more meaningful verses were about the challenges of being in a relationship, a theme discussed often among us. The lyrics were recorded in a journal, sung a few times, then largely forgotten. 

 Then, when I was writing my newest book, Cleaning Up, I decided to look at the song again. 

 Cleaning Up is about a girl named Jess who has a summer job cleaning a country house in the Westport area. Jess, who comes from an impoverished background, has been so intent on school and part-time jobs to try and improve her life that she hasn’t made a lot of friends. However the summer she lives in Westport she becomes friends with a guy named Matt when they bond over their mutual interest in growing vegetables. Matt is also in a band and convinces Jess to play tambourine on a few songs. For Jess, being in a band is a new sense of belonging, both to a group of friends, and also a musical community. Music enables her to see the possibilities of her life in ways beyond escaping poverty. Jess even has the chance to perform with the band’s signature song, We’ll Go Dancing Saturday Night. I used the lyrics with permission from the song I wrote with Rob, John and James. 

Cleaning Up is about learning to be who you are, and also about using music to forge relationships and enrich your life. I wanted Jess to have a future rich with friendship and music. 

 I hope you all have music in your lives, whether you sing or play an instrument, or are merely a good listener. The world always needs good listeners.